


dementia praecox

by orphan_account



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Chris uses smoking as a coping mechanism, Delusions, Disabled Character, Fluff and Angst, Hallucinations, Hearing Voices, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Schizophrenia, Schizophrenic Felix, i did research but there is a chance some of it is inaccurate, please do not read if it’s triggering to you in some kind of way, read the tags, rewrite because the previous draft made some viewers uncomfortable and that is not okay, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-29 08:41:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20079358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: For as long as Felix has known Chris, he’s had Schizophrenia. Chris, however, loves him through and through and wants the best for him, even if he gets overwhelmed. If anything, taking care of Felix and making sure he’s okay is his top priority.





	dementia praecox

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MoonlightFaerie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonlightFaerie/gifts).

> If anything in the following chapter is inaccurate, please do not comment, but direct message me on my instagram, @/hvnnylix. I will make my best effort to educate myself so that my audience is comfortable with what I post. This is gifted to @MoonlightFairy, as they commented on my first draft of this story that it was completely inaccurate. I did the best research I could, and rewrote the chapter entirely. I apologize for my mistakes beforehand, and I hope that this is much better than before.

If there was anything Chris never wanted to do, that was leave Felix’s side. Despite his condition, he loved him all the same, at his best, and at his worst. Chris learned many things throughout their relationship, such as always have immense patience, always speak in a soft voice, be as gentle as he can be with the younger, and never let him out of sight.

Chris formed a routine for his lover, which he followed everyday, as closely as possible. Surprises were always an issue, even if it were just the mailman dropping off a package or some girl scouts selling cookies. Felix never reacted well to the doorbell on bad days.

It was just the reality of having Schizophrenia, you had to watch it from the outside because you couldn’t control it from within. You had to prevent things that were sure to happen. You always had to be on the lookout. No sharp objects around, nothing one could possibly harm themselves with were allowed in general. Most of their “glass” furniture was actually plastic, as Felix could lash out anytime. Utensils were kept in cabinets with the plates, as well as medication. And while it was hard, Chris wouldn’t give it for the world.

Felix was a sweet, precious young man. He was talented, he was bright. He is talented, he is bright, Chris knows that. He hates that Felix beats himself up about it. He can’t help it, he knows that himself, and yet that doesn’t stop him from literally kicking and hitting the walls, crying because all he wants to do is dance. His condition, however, makes him forget routines or stand idle, so he gave up on that dream long ago. He regrets it immensely though, and he’ll throw tantrums like a child to cope, but he’s grown, so there’s a chance something can break. Best thing Chris can do is sit him on the living room floor, right in the middle where he can do what he pleases.

Felix is a good person, as stated previously. He was mostly quiet, a little shy, and he hates going in public settings. He once told Chris that he can hear voices when they walk around Seoul, like they’re the thoughts of others judging him. They tried to limit their visits outside after that. 

Felix’s case was rare, as the disease usually develops in the early 20’s, yet he was diagnosed at 15 with early-onset hebephrenia, or disorganized schizophrenia. It was, and still is, hard to do daily tasks, such as preparing food and taking baths and whatnot. Chris usually helped him with these things, but he couldn’t help Felix’s motor functions. Most of his words were jumbled together, making it hard to understand him, and this just made him agitated. Along with this, his behavior was unorganized as well. Sometimes he’d freeze in the hallway like a deer in headlights, or start yelling at people who didn’t even provoke him. 

Medicine helped, mostly, but Felix’s delusions didn’t. He once told Chris the doctor was trying to poison him, so he refused to take his medication. This resulted in having to put it in his food, and despite how bad it made Chris feel for lying, it was for the better.

It mostly kept him under control, not without the occasional breakdown, of course. Therapy always helped with this issue, it let Felix get down to the cause of what he was hearing or seeing. He was told it may be a “mirror image” of sorts to what he was feeling emotionally. 

Chris tells him it’s okay to communicate with the voices, but only if they’re positive, whereas harmful voices must be ignored, if possible. 

That’s probably why Felix feels so guilty, eyeing the pack of cigarettes and lighter sitting on top of the fridge. He knows he wasn’t supposed to see it in the first place, along with his medication and sharp objects. The medication, because he could be brought to drug abuse with his hallucinations, and sharp objects for the same reason.

The mortality rate for schizophrenics is reportedly four times higher than that of an average person, with suicide being the leading cause. Due to this fact, Chris made sure anything that could be used in the act or in self-harm was hidden.

Felix shakes his head, trying to tear his gaze away from the lighter and cigarettes and focus on something else. He looks over at the other side of the kitchen, where Chris is taking some towels out of the laundry and walks over to him, nodding towards the hamper as if to ask;

_‘Can I help?’_

Chris looks up at him and smiles, handing him a few towels from the dryer he’s crouched in front of. 

“Go put those on the couch and you can help me fold those later, okay?”

Felix nods, bringing the warm load of towels and dropping them on the couch in the next room over. Chris assumes he’s having another speech block, as he hasn’t talked all morning, which usually lasts for days at a time. Felix has described it as your voice being kept at the bottom of your throat, as if you can’t find it. He hates when that happens, because as much as he wants to tell his therapist or doctor what’s wrong, he just can’t. 

Chris comes back into the room with a hamper in hand, filled to the brim with freshly washed towels. He smiles as he sits next to the pile of towels Felix had placed on the couch, with Felix sitting across from it.

“You remember how to fold, right?”

Felix nods. His short-term memory loss hasn’t been acting up as much as it used to, thankfully. 

The two begin to fold, sitting in a comfortable silence. Felix loves moments like this, as they aren’t stressful or worrisome. And just as he thanks God for allowing him to focus on the task at hand, he’s fucking back. He stands in the hallway, just...staring. He does this, everyday.

Felix taps Chris’ knee and the elder blonde looks up.

“What’s up, baby?”

Felix makes a circular motion with both of his hands, silently asking if they can switch spots. Chris raises an eyebrow, not understanding what he’s trying to say. 

Felix nods his head towards the hallway, and covers his eyes, because that’s exactly what the man is, eyeless, yet Felix can still feel him staring straight through him. What’s worse is he still has a mouth, so he’s constantly telling Felix horrible things.

_You’re a burden._

_You can’t do anything by yourself._

He hates it, despises it, wishes and begs that he’ll go away.

Chris seems to understand, as Felix has told him about such a man before, moving as quickly as he can to the right side of the couch as Felix settles into the left. 

“Thank you for telling me, love.”

Chris tells as he resumes folding. He knows how hard it is for Felix tell people certain things, as stigma may follow. He needs Felix to trust him, so that he can do the best he can to take care of him and understand his condition.

“Minho and Jisung are coming over later to watch you. I have to go run a few errands.” 

Felix nods solemnly, wishing he could go outside without them bothering him.

“I know you hate staying in, baby, but they’re gonna make sure you have fun, okay? They have a few things planned to help you with concentration. You’re doing great right now, actually, but it’s better safe than sorry.”

Felix’s cheeks begin to heat with embarrassment from the slight praise. He likes being told good things, that he’s doing a good job. It helps with his confidence that deteriorated so quickly in his teenage years. 

Chris grabs the stack of towels once they’re done, and tells Felix he’s going save them and that he’ll be right back.

Once he earns a nod from the younger, he makes his way down the hallway and into the bathroom.

Felix looks out the window behind the couch, smiling at the pretty day. The sun’s shining as their neighbor’s daughter plays outside, her mother sitting on the steps. Felix loves kids, that’s no secret, and wishes to have his own one day. It’s a nice thought, but would he be able to take care of them? He can hardly take care of himself, he needs help bathing and dressing, he can’t even concentrate on one thing for too long before he gets bored. 

Before he can dwell anymore on the topic, Chris emerges from the hallway, a big smile on his face as he watches Felix stare out the window. It’s a relief to see that he’s calm, not an ounce of stress to be seen. He walks over to the couch and sits behind the younger, slowly pulling him into his lap as to not alarm him. He places a kiss on his freckled cheek, earning a smile from him.

It’s hard for Felix to express affection, although he loves to give hugs and the occasional kiss on the cheek. It’s okay with Chris, he understands. 

Felix continues to look through the window, focusing on different things outside at a time, and he’s happy, content. 

He’s okay.


End file.
